Monday, July 6, 2009
An Open Letter of Apology
Dear Mr. Kirk:
I would like to offer you my sincerest, most humble apologies for the ingratitude I showed you when you graciously agreed to feed me while my family was gone. I have been severely reprimanded.
While I do not try to excuse my behavior, I would like to offer an explanation. You see, when my family left for vacation my Mama told me I was in charge and was to keep an eye on the house. She failed to mention that you would be coming to feed me and my sister Dazey so you caught me off guard.
Perhaps I would have been ok with you just feeding us but when you attempted to turn on the sprinklers I immediately went on high alert status because only my Daddy is allowed to operate said sprinklers. And you were dangerously close to my family's house which, I remind you, I was charged with protecting.
I would like to suggest that perhaps the next time you come to visit, assuming you have not already terminated your friendship with my family, you should bring with you two forms of picture i.d. and proper authorization. I have an agreement with the Fedex man that seems to work satisfactorily. However, I do search all packages and if something seems suspicious I feel obligated to shred said package. If you do come back to visit, please be prepared to empty your pockets and please put all liquids in 3 oz. or smaller, clear containers.
I understand that you may come over tonight to shoot some fireworks. Please know that I expect you to abide by all applicable fire codes and I have assessed the current threat level at Orange.
Again, I offer my deepest apologies for the misunderstanding.
Maddie "Bebo", the German Shepherd