Thursday, February 11, 2010

Who's On First

Mom steps over piles of dirty clothes, blankets, quilts etc. to retrieve clean set of sheets from dryer.  Walks into living room where teenage daughter and tween daughter are lounging around watching TV.

Mom:  Whose sheets are these? 

Girls:  (simultaneously) Mine.

Mom:  (helpfully) They are off-white.

Girls:  (still simultaneously) Mine.

Mom:  (patiently to tween) I asked you to take your sheets off your bed and put them in the laundry room.  (turning to teen)  Did you take yours in there too?

Teen:  Yes.

Mom:  (surprised because Teen rarely takes the initiative like that) But there was only one set of sheets in the laundry room to be washed.

Tween:  (confidently) I put mine in there like you said.

Mom: (to Teen) Are you SURE you put yours in there too?

Teen: (positively) Yes.

Mom and tween go back to the laundry room and wade through the piles of clothes and sundries. 

Mom:  Where did you put your sheets?

Tween:  (pointing to the one empty spot on the floor) There.

Mom decides these MUST be Tween's sheets because a) that's the exact spot the sheets were in when Mom found them and b) Teen rarely does anything without being asked.  She heads back into the living room still holding the fresh-from-the-dryer sheet set.

Mom: (to Teen)  These are Tween's sheets.  Where are yours?

Teen:  I put them in the laundry room.

Mom:  They aren't there.

Teen:  Well, I only had the thin sheet.

Mom:  All sheets are thin.  Be more specific.

Teen:  I never had the other sheet.

Mom: (slightly less patient) Which sheet?

Teen:  The one that goes on the bed.

Mom: (deep breath)  ALL sheets go on beds.  Be more specific.

Teen:  You know, the one with the stretchy stuff on it.

Mom: You mean the fitted sheet. So where is it?

Teen:  I never had one.

Mom:  You never had a fitted sheet?

Teen:  No.

Mom:  So what have you been sleeping on?

Teen: The thin sheet.

Mom:  The flat sheet?  (thinking of the laundry room where there are NO sheets) Where is it?

Teen:  I don't know, I never had it.

Mom:  So you just had a fitted sheet?

Teen:  No.

Mom:  No, what?  No fitted sheet?!

Teen:  Right.  Just the thin one with the stretchy stuff.

Mom:  THAT IS THE FITTED SHEET! And it's NOT in the laundry room!

Teen: Oh.  I don't know where it is.

Tween has been observing this whole conversation quietly.  Mom turns to go into Tween's room and put the sheets on her bed and Tween follows her.

Mom:  (sees fitted sheet ON Tween's bed) Your sheet is still on your bed!!!!  Why did you say you took it to the laundry room?

Tween: (shrugging) I thought you just meant the thin sheet.

Mom gives up and tosses sheets on Teen's bed and goes to drown her sorrows in a box of Whitman's Chocolates.


Jennifer said...

I am so laughing right now, because I can totally hear ya'll having this conversation!!

What's bad is I had to read it twice, 'cuz I got lost amongst all the "tweens" and "teens"!!!

Glad you got it figured out, or "teen" woulda been sleepin' without ANY sheets!!!

Carpool Queen said...

I so identify with the taking of the deep breaths....

And my boys gave up the flat sheet years ago. It saves me on the laundry.

Amber said...

This was almost as funny reading it as it was listening to you tell it.


Anonymous said...

My husband thinks I've lost it because I'm sitting at my desk laughing at my computer but this was so stinkin' funny.

And I know we have smart kids. You just wouldn't know it by trying to have a conversation with them.

Cathy said...

So THIS is what I have to look forward to...HILARIOUS.

Guess it's time for tween and teen to have different colored sheets.;)

And like CPQ I don't remember the last time my kids actually used the flat sheet...