Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Someone Just Lost Her Pet of the Year Award

This is Tess.

Tess is a very bad dog.

Don't let her sweet, innocent face fool you.  She's diabolical, I tell you.  But say, isn't that a lovely collar she's sporting?

You can purchase one of your very own if you are so inclined by visiting the Smithzonian Art Studio downtown.

So, a little while ago I stepped out into the hallway and saw this awful mutt with her ENTIRE head inside a bag of trash that was sitting by the back door.  She had managed to chew a hole in it and distribute its contents all over the hallway too.  I think she's been working on it for some time.  I noticed last night that her ears were crunchy but was unable to locate the source of the crunch-inducing substance.  And I know what you're thinking...My word! How long has her trash been sitting there?  Don't judge.

Of course, I blame Wes.  He wasn't here for trash day and Momma doesn't do trash day.

That's man's work.

Anyhoo, I struck my "YOU ARE SO BUSTED" Mom-pose (hands on the hips, eyes glaring, you know the one)  and said very sternly to the scandalous canine, "Excuse me!  I KNOW I don't see you in my trash!"

(Yes, I really talk to my dog like that.  Sometimes we have rather lengthy, albeit rather one-sided, conversations.  She's a great listener.)

Her head jerked up out of the trash bag and she had a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. She knew EXACTLY who I was talking to and what I was referring to.  She may be bad but she's not stupid.

She is currently cowering under my bed where she reeks of eau de garbage.  I can smell her from here.  I am waiting for an apology.

And thank goodness those lovely collars are machine-washable.


Carpool Queen said...

I had this exact conversation with my boys this morning.

Trash is a boy's job because Mama's a princess and can't get her hands dirty.

Maybe if I got a pretty collar to wear it would enhance the story.

Anonymous said...

And now I know what I'm getting Susan for Christmas this year.

Tess can share a kennel with Colonel who can't control his bodily functions. Did I say "can't"? I think I actually meant "won't."

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Ugh. I feel your pain. Jack is a SCAVENGER and his favorite thing to raid is the kitchen trash. Gross.

On a lighter note, I'm glad to see you blogging more!

Tiffani said...

Oh, honeypie...we can talk some doggie...

Sugar has an affinity for plastic...sunglasses, coat hangers, BIONICLES and sorta-plastic/waxy CRAYONS...she has confetti poop that one..

But, she is my nighttime companion w/ Hubs' crazy schedule and makes me feel not, she's forgiven (after a bit of grudge holding since I can no longer cutely hold my bangs back w/o my shades)

Um, Tess sure IS a cutie though ;)

Amber said...

I don't do trash either. Nope.
It stinks and it's gross. And I already have to live with boys. I'm not going to tote around their trash, too.

I'm giggling though. Because I can see you. Hands on hips. Giving the speech.

Poor "Tesshh." I mean...poor you.

Mich said...

I have so been there...