This Christmas Eve I am not quite sure what to feel. I adore the Christmas season. I love the hustle and bustle, the music, the special time with family and friends and the traditions.
But this year our traditions are different. They will never be the same. You see, this is Hannah's first Christmas in Heaven. Our first Christmas with a huge, jagged hole in our hearts. This is the first year that we are missing a key singer in our family's rendition of Twelve Days of Christmas as we take turns belting out the verses and laughing at Brad's out-of-tune but full of gusto "Five Goooolden Rings!" This is the first year that the cousins are missing their Director as they perform the Christmas Story complete with dogs playing the part of sheep and Caitlin as Baby Jesus.
So while I enjoy the Season and the precious time with my husband and children, there's a part of me that feels guilty. For I know that there is a family, who is also my family, that is missing their beautiful daughter and sister this Season. So while I take great pleasure in the time spent with my family, my heart still hurts for them. My heart hurts for my husband, kids and myself too because we also miss her. But our hurt cannot possibly compare with theirs.
I know that Hannah is with Jesus and I can't even imagine what the Celebration is like in Heaven this time of year! I'm grateful for Jesus' birth because I know it makes the hope we have possible. Hope that we too someday will celebrate Christmas in the very presence of Jesus. And with Hannah.
So, this Season I am all too aware that life is fragile and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I plan to make the most of this time and savor every precious moment. I covet your prayers for our family over the next few joyful but painful and difficult days. I also ask you to join me as I pray for dear friends who are also experiencing their first Christmases without their dads and friends who have loved ones with serious illnesses.
I hope you all have a Blessed Christmas and create some beautiful memories! I'll be back in a few days to share some of ours!