Friday, October 9, 2009

Breaking News

Breaking news...

My public relations manager, Wes, has just notified me that I have been awarded the Heisman Trophy!

When asked for a comment on this prestigious and unexpected honor, my spokesperson said, "Wow."

Now, I know what you're thinking. I don't even play football.

Yes, that's true. But I HAVE been to a football game.

And although I'm certainly no athlete, I do occasionally go to Zumba and Pilates at my local gym.

And I love the IDEA of being an athlete.

And the Heisman Trophy Trust feels pretty sure that if I ever DID play football I would be a huge success.

And let's face it...a woman has never won the Heisman Trophy. Isn't it about time we break that glass ceiling?

And I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.


Just when I thought the Nobel Peace Prize couldn't get less relevant (see past winners, Al Gore and Jimmy Carter), they have awarded it to President Obama after only 12 days in office. I'm pretty sure he spent that time celebrating at the Inauguration and trying to figure out where the bathroom is in the West Wing.

At least he's in good company. The only other sitting U.S. Presidents to be awarded the Nobel were those bastions of freedom, Teddy Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson. In recent years the only criteria for receiving the Nobel seems to be criticizing George W. Bush. (I see your Al Gore and Jimmy Carter and raise you a Mohamed Elbaradei.)

So, all things considered, I guess it was inevitable that President Obama receive the ultimate Participation Award.


Amber said...

Congratulations on your Heisman.

I, today, was just awarded a Grammy. Because I sing in my shower.

Mich said...

I wondered if you would post about this...

thanks for voicing my point of view and cracking me up at the same time.

Oh, and by the way, congrats on the award. :)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I KNEW you'd have something to say about this, Lisa.

And congrats on the Heisman.

Tiffani said...

Oh my sweet Lisa. I knew I could count on you to put this into words I only WISH I could!

congrats on the Heisman, girl, YOU DESERVE it, you broke BOUNDARIES, you TOLD everyone that eventually you would CHANGE football, so hey, why not go ahead and give you the award on that alone! Even if you NEVER even play football.

well said, as always! ;)

Anonymous said...

don't forget yassar arafat the leader of all terrorists -- a past peace prize winner

Cathy said...

And I'd like to thank the Academy, because I had a DREAM I was a famous and talented actor AND I used to be able to recite every line of "Robin Hood" (the one w/ Kevin Costner)...that counts, right?? Well, apparently the academy thought so. Congrats on your Heisman. I'm still a little bitter about the Nobel Peace Prize, seeing as how I kept peace in my kitchen by keeping up w/ the dirty dishes 5 out of 7 days this week.

You, girlfriend, are HILARIOUS! I'm just sorry this country has yet again given us a reason to be satirical.

Kendra said...

Ha! hat was exactly what I said. After all, they did give it to Al Gore and his "global warming" rhetoric, so why not a president who hasn't done anything but redecorate and pick out a weird looking dog. And offend the Dali Lama.

You can display your trophy next to my Tony, because I think I will make a pretty good Elphaba in "Wicked" one day.

Nina Diane said...

congrats on your Heisman. I myself am up for an Emmy. And Al know when you invent the internet and push global warming that you're going to get the prize....snicker snicker!! what in the world have we become...

CPQ said...

It's like the Academy issuing the Lifetime Achievement Award to Hannah Montana.


Alison said...

That's hilarious! I figured I'd see a post from you on this today. I started a "war" between your hubby and an old high school teacher of mine, who apparently is an Obama fan from what I gather.

Jennifer said...

Congrats on your Heisman!!

You crack me up!!

What did Glenn have to say about this?

Anonymous said...

I thought Peggy Noonan's article in the WSJ was good. Did you read it? I can dream that he could use this for good, right?